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LAS VEGAS ODDS
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
Excuses If She Catches You Wearing Her Panties
10. I must have put them on by mistake in the dark
9. I didn't have any clean ones left
8. They make me feel closer to you
7. I grew up getting my older sister's hand me downs
6. Boxers don't come in pink
5. There must have been a crease in the name, I thought it said Hanes for Men
4. It gives me greater empathy for the plight of women
3. Men's underwear chafes my skin
2. Sorry, I thought they were your Mom's
1. Does my butt look big in these?
WHO'S THIS OTHER GUY
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a picture of another man.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, no," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
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