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Dirty Jokes-Sex Jokes-Funny Jokes

Jokes at PleasureMeNow.com? We're your source or should we say your receptical for dirty jokes, sexual jokes, sex jokes, blonde jokes, funny jokes about relationships, men, women... The latest sex jokes updated weekly. Catch the latest jokes mixed with classic humor and funny observations.

(WARNING: Jokes may be hazardous to your depression)
(WARNING: Sex jokes may cause blindness if viewed too often)

Jokes Humor Fun

WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM A FORTUNETELLER

A man visited a fortuneteller and sat down in front of her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children," she said.

"That's what you think," the man replied. "I'm the father of three children."

The fortuneteller smiled and said, "That's what YOU think."

YOUR BANKER KNOWS

Why do male bankers make better lovers?

Because they know that there is a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.


Jokes Humor Fun

TOP 9 WAYS TO EXPLAIN SEX TO YOUR CHILDREN

  1. HOCKEY-- Daddy is a hockey player and that Mommy is the goalie and that sex is trying to score. The problem is that Daddy thinks he is Wayne Gretzky when he really is a blind immigrant skater who can't find the net and he's ALWAYS hitting the post instead of finding the open spot of the net. Of course, Daddy feels that Mommy is Dominic Hasek and is consistenly pitching shutouts.
  2. BARBIE AND KEN--If Barbie doesn't take Ken to the rack every once in a while, she wouldn't get the Dream House, the Dream Corvette and she'd be stuck with that slut Skipper all the time.
  3. GARDEN--Sex is like growing a garden. The soil has to be fertile and the seed has to be planted at just the right time. That doesn't explain why Daddy has to CONTINOUSLY PRACTICE PLOWING TECHNIQUES WITH THE BABYSITTER!!!
  4. BANK--Sex is where Daddy goes to the bank of love to make a special deposit and finds that Mommy either has the NEXT TELLER PLEASE WINDOW UP or IS SERVICING EVERY ACCOUNT IN TOWN!!
  5. KIDS TV REFERENCE-- Sex is what Barney does when the camera is turned off and he's had such a great need to love everyone that he and BabyBop tear up the set.
  6. ALCOHOL--Sex is where Mommy's vat is fermented until all of the ingredients are mixed in and Daddy becomes the BREWMASTER.
  7. BASEBALL--Sex is where Daddy swings a big stick in hopes of getting a home run but he swings too early, pops up instead of going deep and is usually replaced by a battery propelled pinch hitter.
  8. COOKING--Sex is like when Daddy tries to cook. He likes to eat but the meal is under-cooked, he leaves a mess and the ingredients taste funny.
  9. GOLF--Sex is like Daddy's golf game. His club is too short, he rushes his strokes and he can never sink it in the right hole.
Jokes Humor Fun

CUTBACKS

I told my wife, "Honey, we need to make some cutbacks in our expenses. I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady."

She said, "Well if you would learn to make love to me properly we could do without the gardener."

(WARNING: Jokes may be past their expiration date)
(WARNING: Funny objects are closer than they appear)
(WARNING: Keep jokes out of the reach of children)

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