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SPROUTING UP EVERYWHERE
There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and
jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his
body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except his penis and he
decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, strips completely, and
buries himself in the sand except for his penis sticking up out of the sand.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and
says, "There's no justice in this world."
The other old lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first lady says, "Look at that! When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of
it... When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it... When I was 30, I
enjoyed it... When I was 40, I asked for it... When I was 50, I paid for it...
When I was 60, I prayed for it... When I was 70, I forgot about it... And now
that I am 80, the damn things are growing wild!"
10 THINGS GUYS SHOULD NOT SAY AT VICTORIA SECRET
- "My mistress would just love this."
- "Go ahead and ask the clerk to model it for you..she always does for me."
- "Two to one odds it does not come in your size."
- "The thought of you in that is making me nauseous."
- "The Dancer at the Kittycat Lounge wore something just like this last night."
- "Hey, can I try it on when we get home?"
- "You can wear that all you want, you're still not getting the remote."
- "I bet your sister would look good in that."
- "Sure it looks nice but can you mow the yard in it?"
- "I don't care if the damn things are edible..I still ain't eatin' down there!"
NEW IRS TAX
Re: Notice Of Tax Increase (Form 1040P)
The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact
that 40% of the time, it is hanging around unemployed; 20% of the time, it is
pissed off; 30% of the time, it is hard up; and 10% of the time, it is in the
hole. On top of this, it has two dependents who are both are nuts. Accordingly,
starting January 1, 1995, your penis will be taxed according to its size. To
determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this
information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form.
*12-10 inches - Luxury Tax......$50.00
10- 8 inches - Pole Tax........$30.00
8- 6 inches - Privilege Tax...$15.00
6- 4 inches - Nuisance Tax....$ 6.00
*Males Exceeding 12 inches must file Capital Gains
Please Note : Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.
Please do not request an extension.
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