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MAILMAN'S LAST DAY
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a $25 gift certificate to a fine restaurant.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a box of chocolates.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
Then she fixed him an amazing breakfast.
As she was pouring some fresh coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
TOP 10 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN
- You won't starve without a can opener.
- Short skirts will always cure Unemployment.
- Male Pattern Baldness.
- You don't consider urination a competitive sport.
- You never feel compelled to scratch yourself in public.
- You can walk down the street without mentally undressing everyone around you.
- Short girls are "petite". Short guys are "midgets".
- Grooms all look the same. Everyone only wants to see the Bride.
- You choose what you wear off a hanger not off the floor.
- You have breasts.
WHY IT SUCKS BEING A DICK
- You've got a hole in your head.
- Your master strangles you all the time.
- Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
- You shrink in cold water.
- You never get a haircut.
- You always hang around with 2 nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
- Your best friend is a pussy.
- Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.
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