Just What The Doctor Ordered: The Best Anal Probes In 2026 For Super Kinky Backdoor Exams!

Do you constantly fantasize about getting abducted and abused by aliens? What if you want to play cruel doctor and naughty nurse and you need an extended examination of Uranus? Well, life is simply too short not to become an anal slut! But what if all of you crack-addicted girls and boys out there have already ravaged your hole with anal dildos, butt plugs or vibrating ass beads and you’re looking for something new? Or do you finally want to pop your backdoor cherry and you need the ultimate training tool? Let me show you how to discover the innermost reaches of your exit hole with anal probes!

Editor’s Choice:

Best for Travel

Calexotics Power Gem Vibrating Crystal Probe

5.0

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• Pros
• Made from silicone and ABS plastic and features a tapered tip
• Has a useful travel lock feature and a flexible shape
• Suitable for water play, USB-rechargeable and available in various colors

• Cons
• Takes a long time to fully charge
• Doesn’t come with a storage pouch

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Best for Temperature Play

Pipedream Icicles No. 82

4.8

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• Pros
• Non-porous and hypoallergenic, with a chic, hand-crafted and luxurious design
• Easy to clean, ideal for temperature play and phthalate-free
• Compatible with all types of lube

• Cons
• Slippery and difficult to handle when lubed up
• Not very easy to store due to its large size

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Best Hands-Free Probe

Calexotics Silicone Anal Stud Probe

4.5

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• Pros
• Features a high-performance suction cup and sizeable head
• Durable, hypoallergenic, smooth and seamlessly designed anal probe
• Made from soft silicone material

• Cons
• Only compatible with water-based lubes
• Not very easy to clean

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Top 10 Anal Probes in 2026

Are you a nasty anal freak and you’re lovin’ it? From cum-covered gaping porn queens to that weird janitor dude at your office who walks funny, everyone can enjoy an anal toy or two. And if you’re constantly hooked on sodomizing your tight brown eye or dominating your partner’s dirt box with all sorts of bizarre objects, anal probes will be right up your alley! These dirty devices will make you bend over and take it like a prisoner! Recently, my BF and I had the privilege to lube up my rear-pussy and his boy-hole and we went to town on dozens of ass probes to find the ultimate pleasure tool for our buttholes. Check out the results of our experiment below and see the best butt probes of 2026!

Calexotics Power Gem Vibrating Crystal Probe

Best for Travel

Price from:$49.99

Wow Factor

5.0

style points 5/5

simplicity 5/5

craft 5/5

cost 5/5

best for

Intermediate users who want a travel-friendly probe.

rank

Adept

Adept: Aimed at users with some familiarity. Balances user-friendliness with more sophisticated features.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

103

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Rechargeable
• Allergens: Phthalate-Free
• Length: 114.3 mm / 4.5 in
• Insertable length: 76.2 mm / 3 in
• Circumference: 127 mm / 5 in
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Flexibility: Firm
• Warranty: 1 year

• Pros
• Made from silicone and ABS plastic and features a tapered tip
• Has a useful travel lock feature and a flexible shape
• Suitable for water play, USB-rechargeable and available in various colors

• Cons
• Takes a long time to fully charge
• Doesn’t come with a storage pouch

Our verdict

This bad boy is made of an ABS plastic and silicone combo, making it both durable and soft to the touch. It’s easy to clean and slides in effortlessly because of the tapered tip.

Since it is compact, lightweight and quite flexible, this model is excellent for those who go on frequent trips. It also has a trusty travel-lock feature, which works like a charm.

You can use this one solo or with your partner and it’s suitable for all types of water play. The charging time is a tad too long for my impatient self, but hey, what can you do?

Pipedream Icicles No. 82

Best for Temperature Play

Price from:$‌50

Wow Factor

4.8

style points 4/5

simplicity 5/5

craft 5/5

cost 5/5

best for

Experienced users who are into temperature play.

rank

Expert

Expert: For those who have extensive experience. Offers advanced features and capabilities, demanding in-depth knowledge and skills.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

97

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Specs

• Material: Glass
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Insertable length: 102 mm / 4 in
• Width: 34 mm / 1.4 in
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Warranty: 90 days

• Pros
• Non-porous and hypoallergenic, with a chic, hand-crafted and luxurious design
• Easy to clean, ideal for temperature play and phthalate-free
• Compatible with all types of lube

• Cons
• Slippery and difficult to handle when lubed up
• Not very easy to store due to its large size

Our verdict

Fully non-porous, this one is a joy to clean and maintain – it can truly last for years! It also looks really elegant and expensive and the fact that it is hand-crafted only adds to the appeal.

Due to the nature of the glass, this model is perfect for kinky temperature play. It’ll warm up or cool down within seconds and you’ll never have to worry about injuring yourself.

However, the glass does have one disadvantage: it makes the toy way too slippery when you lube it up. Still, you’ll get the hang of holding it tightly with regular use!

Calexotics Silicone Anal Stud Probe

Best Hands-Free Probe

Price from:$‌39

Wow Factor

4.5

style points 4/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 5/5

cost 5/5

best for

Middle-grade users who want to explore hands-free anal probe fun.

rank

Adept

Adept: Aimed at users with some familiarity. Balances user-friendliness with more sophisticated features.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

84

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Measurements: 140 x 45 mm / 5.5 x 1.75 in
• Weight: 140 g / 4.8 oz
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Warranty: 1 year

• Pros
• Features a high-performance suction cup and sizeable head
• Durable, hypoallergenic, smooth and seamlessly designed anal probe
• Made from soft silicone material

• Cons
• Only compatible with water-based lubes
• Not very easy to clean

Our verdict

If you like your toys hands-free, you’ll fall head (or ass) first for this model from SheVibe. It’s got a strong suction cup base, meaning that it can adhere to most surfaces pretty tightly.

This toy’s head is quite hefty, so it won’t work for those with little to no experience. However, it’s the ideal choice for those who want a real challenge and aren’t scared of a little girth.

The material is smooth, soft and hypoallergenic – an amazing choice. The only problem are the ridges around the head, as they make cleaning the toy a bit of a hassle.

Calexotics Silicone Anal Probe Kit

Best Kit

Price from:$‌39

Wow Factor

4.3

style points 4/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 4/5

cost 5/5

best for

Novice users who are ready to explore the world of anal probes for the first time.

rank

Rookie

Rookie: Perfect for users who are new to this type of product. Focuses on simplicity and ease of use.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

72

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Small probe measurements: 76.2 x 25.4 mm / 3 x 1 in
• Medium probe measurements: 88.9 x 31.75 mm / 3.5 x 1.25 in
• Large probe measurements: 101.6 x 38.1 mm / 4 x 1.5 in
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Warranty: 1 year

• Pros
• Waterproof, ideal for beginners and easy to insert and remove
• Includes 3 graduated anal plugs with textured surfaces for added pleasure
• Phthalate-free, body-safe and odorless

• Cons
• A bit hard to clean and difficult to store
• No vibration option

Our verdict

This kit will allow you to grow and build your endurance and stamina. Namely, it features three probes that gradually increase in size and girth and are all easy to insert.

Made of silicone, the probes are fully waterproof and flexible. Because of their highly textured surface – which, admittedly, feels heavenly – these babies are a bit difficult to clean.

I love that the silicone is entirely odorless, phthalate-free and body-safe. But since the size is not something to write home about, I kinda wish the probes at least had vibrating motors to make up for it.

Calexotics Eclipse Wristband Remote Rimming Probe

Best Vibrations

Price from:$91.95

Wow Factor

4.0

style points 5/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 4/5

cost 3/5

best for

Seasoned players who like their probes long and powerful.

rank

Adept

Adept: Aimed at users with some familiarity. Balances user-friendliness with more sophisticated features.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

59

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Rechargeable
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Length: 120.65 mm / 4.75 in
• Diameter: 31.75 mm / 1.25 in
• Charging time: 80 minutes
• Usage time: 40 minutes
• Warranty: 1 year

• Pros
• Made from smooth, high-quality, pure silicone material
• Features a discreet wristband controller that’s perfect for hands-free play
• Has a 32-foot radius range with 12 intense vibration options

• Cons
• Not very affordable
• Long charge time vs. playtime

Our verdict

This model comes with one of the best remote controllers I’ve tested – it’s a small wristband you can keep on you without anyone knowing what it does! So discrete and with a 32-foot range, the toy is perfect for public play.

The vibrations are truly out of this world. When I tell you the highest settings made even my head spin, you’ll know exactly what I mean by that!

Now, the main issue I have with this one is the charging time. It’s way too long, especially considering that you can only use the toy for about 40 minutes if you prefer the more intense vibration modes.

Calexotics Silicone Love Probe

Best Shape

Price from:$13.95

Wow Factor

4.0

style points 4/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 3/5

cost 5/5

best for

Intermediate users who want slightly bigger and girthier probes.

rank

Adept

Adept: Aimed at users with some familiarity. Balances user-friendliness with more sophisticated features.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

54

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Waterproof: Submersible

• Pros
• Incredibly smooth and made from body-safe silicone
• Flexible and easy to use thanks to the tapered tip and retrieval loop
• Suitable for water play

• Cons
• Could benefit from a vibrating option
• A bit tricky to clean

Our verdict

Manufactured from soft and body-safe silicone, this probe slides in easily and feels wonderful inside of you. This fact is also facilitated by the silky tapered tip – you’ll barely feel it entering you.

Since it features no motor, this model is a great option for all kinds of water play. That said, a vibrating function would’ve truly brought it to a whole new level of appeal.

Although the toy is quite flexible and fly waterproof, it is still a tad too challenging to clean. Namely, the shape allows bacteria to hide in the crevices and ridges, so you have to be really careful.

Tantus Large Cone Anal Probe

Easiest Cleanup

Price from:$‌185

Wow Factor

3.8

style points 4/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 4/5

cost 3/5

best for

Experienced users who want a big and user-friendly probe.

rank

Expert

Expert: For those who have extensive experience. Offers advanced features and capabilities, demanding in-depth knowledge and skills.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

52

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Length: 271.78 mm / 10.7 in
• Insertable width: 88.9 mm / 3.5 in
• Base diameter: 101.6 mm / 4 in
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Warranty: Lifetime

• Pros
• Hypoallergenic, eco-friendly and dishwasher safe
• Made from superior silicone that’s hygienic, soft and flexible
• Has a gradual taper that makes it ideal for anal training

• Cons
• Some users may find it too large
• Quite a pricey product

Our verdict

In terms of cleanup and maintenance, it doesn’t get much better than this. The probe has an entirely smooth surface, so you can get it spotless with just a thorough wash.

It is made of a hypoallergenic and 100% eco-friendly material, making it a great option for those searching for ethical sex toys. Plus, it’s super flexible and soft, which is always a big plus.

Now, as huge and pleasurable as it is, this probe comes with no vibration options. As such, it is definitely too expensive, especially if you usually prefer models powered by a motor.

Tantus Inner Band Trainer Anal Probe

Best for Gradual Stretching

Price from:$‌77

Wow Factor

3.8

style points 3/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 4/5

cost 4/5

best for

Seasoned players who want to practice anal stretching.

rank

Expert

Expert: For those who have extensive experience. Offers advanced features and capabilities, demanding in-depth knowledge and skills.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

43

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Length: 228.6 mm / 9 in
• Diameter: 50.8 mm / 2 in
• Base Diameter: 71.12 mm / 2.8 in
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Warranty: Lifetime

• Pros
• Made from Tantum’s silicone that’s easy to clean with soap and water
• An advanced toy that’s specially designed for gradual anal stretching
• Body-safe, phthalate-free and odor-free

• Cons
• Not suitable for beginners
• Not very affordable

Our verdict

Like all products from the Tantus collection, this model is highly hygienic, hypoallergenic and easy to clean and maintain. It is also durable but quite soft, so it slides in easily every time.

Now, I’d only recommend this one to experienced users, as it is really long, girthy and made to stretch you as much as physically possible. It’s fully safe too, with the flared ending preventing any mishaps.

I would have loved this one a lot more if it also vibrated. Still, I appreciated the impressive size and I’ll definitely be using it again!

Calexotics Booty Call Rocket Anal Probe

Best Non-Rechargeable

Price from:$42.69

Wow Factor

3.5

style points 3/5

simplicity 4/5

craft 4/5

cost 3/5

best for

Intermediate users looking for a non-overwhelming vibrating probe.

rank

Adept

Adept: Aimed at users with some familiarity. Balances user-friendliness with more sophisticated features.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

16

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: 1 x AA Battery
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Warranty: 1 year

• Pros
• Crafted from medical-grade silicone with a smooth texture
• 10 powerful functions of vibration, pulsation and escalation
• 1 Year Warranty

• Cons
• Cannot be used with silicone lubes
• Battery not included

Our verdict

I’m not usually a fan of battery-powered toys, but this one is of excellent quality. It requires a single AA battery to run, but the manufacturer doesn’t include it in the package.

This model is made of medical-grade silicone, so it is 100% body-safe and hypoallergenic. Alas, the material does limit you in terms of the lube you can use, as it is compatible with water-based types only.

The probe’s motor is quite powerful and it offers 10 vibration, pulsation and escalation modes to explore. I had a great time with each option, especially the highest ones.

Calexotics Viceroy Platinum Series Direct Silicone Anal Probe

Best Design

Price from:$38.99

Wow Factor

3.5

style points 3/5

simplicity 3/5

craft 4/5

cost 4/5

best for

Intermediate users who want to try probes of different shapes and sizes.

rank

Adept

Adept: Aimed at users with some familiarity. Balances user-friendliness with more sophisticated features.

Users Rating

Tried it? Rate it! ( user's ratings directly affect the position of products in this table)

9

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Specs

• Material: Silicone
• Power source: Hand
• Allergens: Phthalate-free - Non-porous
• Probe measurements: 75 x 25 mm / 3 x 1 in
• Overall measurements: 107.5 x 90 mm / 4.25 x 3.5 in
• Waterproof: Submersible
• Warranty: 1 year

• Pros
• Firm yet bendable and ergonomically curved so as to provide immense pleasure
• Features a ring for easy removal and a smooth, seamless design
• Made from Ultra-Soft silicone material

• Cons
• No vibrating options
• Doesn’t come with a storage pouch

Our verdict

This probe has by far the best curvature and overall design of all the models I have tested. Its shape is ergonomic and it molds to your body to create delicious friction.

The retrieval ring is sturdy and easy to pull, allowing you to extract the toy within seconds. As for the shaft, it’s quite firm, but it can still bend to suit your hole just right.

The only thing that would have made me love this probe more is a vibrating option. But still, it offers a lot for a more than affordable price, so I have no complaints here.

Best Anal Probes Compared

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	Calexotics Power Gem Vibrating Crystal Probe	Pipedream Icicles No. 82	Calexotics Silicone Anal Stud Probe	Calexotics Silicone Anal Probe Kit	Calexotics Eclipse Wristband Remote Rimming Probe	Calexotics Silicone Love Probe	Tantus Large Cone Anal Probe	Tantus Inner Band Trainer Anal Probe	Calexotics Booty Call Rocket Anal Probe	Calexotics Viceroy Platinum Series Direct Silicone Anal Probe
features	Features a jewelled tip that adds a touch of glamour to your anal play, making it visually appealing and exciting With a 3-inch insertable length, it offers a pleasantly full feeling that is ideal for beginners exploring anal play The glittering crystal button located in the base allows for easy control of the 10 vibration modes Designed to be 100% waterproof, this butt plug allows for versatile play in the bath or shower The slim neck and flared base of the plug make it safe and comfortable for extended wear, whether for solo play, foreplay or during intercourse	Hand-crafted with meticulous attention to detail, this luxurious glass massager exudes elegance and sophistication Made from hypoallergenic glass that is nonporous and body-safe, ensuring a safe and comfortable play session The glass wand can be heated or chilled to enhance sensory stimulation The smooth surface of the glass wand provides a sleek and sensual feel, gliding effortlessly for maximum pleasure With an insertable length of 4 inches (10.2 cm) and a width of 1.4 inches (3.4 cm), this probe offers satisfying stimulation while remaining comfortable to use	The probe features an accentuated head designed to enhance stimulation and provide targeted pleasure during use Equipped with a superior suction cup base, allowing for hands-free play and versatile positioning on any smooth, flat surface With dimensions of 5.5 inches in length and 1.4 inches in width (14 cm x 4.5 cm), the probe is perfectly sized to provide satisfying fullness while remaining comfortable for users of all experience levels Manufactured with a smooth and virtually seamless finish, ensuring a frictionless glide and effortless insertion Made from high-quality silicone material, this probe is hygienically superior and body-safe, offering peace of mind during intimate play sessions	Constructed from body-safe silicone that is unscented and phthalate-free Each probe in the kit features an incredible textured surface, designed to enhance stimulation and pleasure during use The probes boast a tapered design with an easy pull ring, allowing for seamless insertion, comfortable wear and effortless removal during your anal training sessions Made from pliable and durable silicone material, these probes offer flexibility and resilience for comfortable and effective anal training The kit includes three graduated sizes of probes, ranging from small to large, allowing you to gradually increase length and girth as you progress through your anal training journey	The vibrator comes with a stylish and discreet wristband controller, allowing you or your partner to easily control the vibration intensity Explore 12 intense functions of vibration, offering a variety of sensations to suit your preferences and desires The vibrator features a sensually curved shaft, designed to target and stimulate your most sensitive areas for heightened pleasure The included suction cup and easy-push remote control allow for effortless hands-free stimulation Enjoy comfortable insertion, stimulation and removal thanks to the gentle ergonomic shape, flexible design and curved base of the vibrator	The Silicone Love Probe™ features a graduated and pliable design, allowing for gradual insertion and intense backdoor stimulation Crafted with love, this anal probe includes a heart-shaped finger loop for easy insertion, retrieval and total control over stimulation Experience thrilling anal pleasure from the tapered top down the flexible, tiered shaft of the probe, designed to stimulate your most sensitive areas Crafted from body-safe silicone material, this probe is unscented and phthalate-free, keeping your most sensitive spots happy and healthy With an insertable length of 11 cm, this probe provides deep and satisfying stimulation	The Tantus Cone Large is ideal for progressive anal training, providing a step-up fill experience for users looking to expand their anal play Featuring a classic cone shape, this anal probe is designed for advanced users who demand quality from their toys and are experienced in anal play Crafted from 100% Ultra-Premium medium density silicone, this probe offers a firm yet comfortable feel for epic, high-intensity play Made from Tantus' own unique formula of silicone, this toy is hypoallergenic, non-toxic, phthalate-free and safe for your body It is boilable, bleachable and dishwasher safe for thorough and convenient cleaning	Designed to gradually stretch and fill the anus as it enters, this sleek anal probe is perfect for users seeking a larger feel during anal play Crafted from 100% Ultra-Premium medium firm silicone, this toy offers advanced users a quality product that is safe for their bodies It is boilable, bleachable and dishwasher safe for thorough and convenient cleaning Made from Tantus' own unique formula of silicone, this probe is hypoallergenic, non-toxic, phthalate-free and safe for your body The toy is designed to be anatomically appropriate for human bodies, ensuring the best possible sexual experience for users	This smooth probe is designed for advanced users seeking full prostate stimulation The tapered shaft allows you to gradually work your way up at your own speed, enhancing comfort and control during use Enjoy complete control with 10 unique vibration settings, including vibration, pulsation and escalation, for a variety of pleasurable sensations Made from smooth silicone material, the probe is safe and comfortable to use, providing flexibility of movement and easy application and retrieval With a simple one-button control, the vibrating probe is easy to use, whether solo or with a partner, providing complete control over the massaging vibrations	The firm yet bendable shaft allows for customizable positioning, ensuring pinpointed stimulation with every thrust and knee-shaking pleasure The probe features an easy-pull retrieval ring for convenient control of stimulation, whether during solo play, with a partner or for gentle removal Ergonomically curved to enhance stimulation and tease intimate curves, providing optimal pleasure during use Crafted from hypoallergenic premium silicone, the probe is body-safe, unscented and phthalate-free The probe boasts a smooth and virtually seamless surface for enhanced comfort and effortless insertion
price	From $49.99	From $50	From $39	From $39	From $91.95	From $13.95	From $185	From $77	From $42.69	From $38.99
users	103	97	84	72	59	54	52	43	16	9
our rating	5	4.8	4.5	4.3	4	4	3.8	3.8	3.5	3.5
power	USB Rechargeable	Hand	Hand	Hand	USB Rechargeable	Hand	Hand	Hand	1 x AA Battery	Hand
material	Silicone	Glass	Silicone	Silicone	Silicone	Silicone	Silicone	Silicone	Silicone	Silicone
waterproof	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	No	Yes
brand	Calexotics	Pipedream	Calexotics	Calexotics	Calexotics	Calexotics	Tantus	Tantus	Calexotics	Calexotics
type	Anal gem probe	Anal probe	Silicone anal probe	Silicone anal probe kit	Rimming probe	Silicone anal probe	Large anal probe	Anal probe	Vibrating anal probe	Silicone anal probe
alergens	Phthalate-Free	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous	Phthalate-free - Non-porous
design	5	4.8	4.6	4.4	4.2	4.1	4	3.9	3.7	3.6
ease of use	5	4.9	4.5	4.3	4.1	4	3.9	3.9	3.5	3.5
orgasm	4.9	4.8	4.5	4.3	4	4	3.8	3.8	3.5	3.4
quality	5	4.7	4.6	4.3	4	3.9	3.8	3.8	3.5	3.5
noise	Moderate	Whisper Quiet	Whisper Quiet	Whisper Quiet	Moderate	Moderate	Whisper Quiet	Whisper Quiet	Moderate	Moderate
ease of clean	Moderate	Easy	Moderate	Moderate	Moderate	Moderate	Easy	Easy	Moderate	Moderate
warranty	1 year	90 days	1 year	1 year	1 year	1 year	Lifetime	Lifetime	1 year	1 year

Back To The Top 10 Anal Probes

To Probe or Not to Probe? That Is the Question!

If you’re like your slutty friend Scarlett over here, you probably get a daily urge to stuff your exit hole with all kinds of naughty gadgets and stretch yourself out until you’re squirting like a pig! Good job! I can only tell you that these are the perfect times to be living in if you’re addicted to the fine art of anal pleasures.

Seriously, our tight sphincters can test out more anal toys than airport security agents. Plus, we can use all sorts of toys to live out our fantasies! What I’m trying to say here is that regardless of whether you’re into BDSM, roleplay, cock milking, hardcore gaping or plain and simple romance up the bum, you can pretty much do whatever you please with your cornhole. Just reach down to your crotch with your hand. If you feel a butthole, good news! You can fuck it! So say it once and say it loud: I’m a shameless anal whore and I’m ready to get probed!

Speaking of probes, this is definitely not going to be about that episode of South Park. You know, the one where Cartman gets a visit from some aliens and ends up flatulating fire after being probed with a huge satellite dish. Funny shit! Anyway, not many people are hip to anal probe toys yet and I’m about to change that! So what are these kinky anal toys all about? How can you use them for some legendary anal acrobatics?

Close Encounters of the Anal Kind

“Your butthole is a one-way street on the highway of life. The more you probe its secrets, the more surprises you’ll find!”

Basically, anal probes are like a crossover between small dildos and butt plugs. What sets them apart from other ass stimulators is their special shape. Most anal probe toys are long and thin. They’re literally shaped like a probing device that’s designed for any gender or sexual orientation out there. Oh, my!

Moreover, these toys have been on my radar for a long time. While I haven’t tried them until recently, they have some incredible features that you just won’t get with other anal toys. For one, the narrow shaft literally gets locked into your anus. Since these toys are much thinner compared to, let’s say butt plugs, they have a much lower chance of popping out. Plus, as with all anal toys, probes come with a flared base. This stops them from entering you fully. That way, your boyfriend will never have to fish these damn things out of your butt with his hairy fist!

Either way, these babies are designed to stay put in your butthole and you can use them for all sorts of filthy anal adventures. I mean c’mon, who wouldn’t want to stick a probe up their rectum? Just try one of these bad boys and you’ll instantly see why I’m so obsessed. They’re just perfect for everything butt! That includes freaky anal experiments, kinky roleplay, butthole stretching and training, extreme sodomy and so on.

Types of Anal Probes

While long and thin anal probes are the most common type, there are many different styles out there. They are made to suit everyone’s bunghole and their turn-ons. Also, they differ based on size, shape, materials and various special features.

Plus, while most probes are used for sexual purposes, there are some legit medical probes that can treat various health conditions. Some are used as electronic pelvic toners. Others can cure prostate issues or bladder leakage. Anyway, if you’re here, you probably don’t suffer from fecal incontinence and you’re only looking for your next best anal plaything. So let’s have a look at some of the most exciting types of rectal probes!

Silicone Anal Probes

Silicone is basically a synonym for a quality anal toy. These types of anal depth probes are made of medical-grade silicone. This material is 100% anus safe. It also plays well with everyone’s skins. Unless you’re allergic to silicone, you can use these types for all sorts of gut jobs and digestive tract explorations. And listen, I’m not going to sugar-coat it. Just shove a silicone probe up your booty and you’ll see what I mean!

Typically, these types are all about long and thin probes for newbies and pros. They’ll give you a nice slick shaft that glides in easily. However, since they have a thin and long shape, you can also use them for intense thrusting motions. You can also find tapered silicone probes or other models with beaded or swirly textures. And most importantly, silicone probes are non-porous. This means they won’t absorb any nasty bacteria from your smelly butthole. Meaning, they won’t pose a health hazard.

Glass Anal Probes

If you love glass butt plugs or anal beads, these toys will be the next logical upgrade. Glass anal probes are also shaped like long and thin cylinders. Most of them will have a super smooth surface. It will enable you to push your toy in easily while you’re experimenting.

Due to their shiny and transparent look, these toys are the perfect option for all sorts of surgical play or kinky gaping fetishes. Even better, they can’t bend or break. You can also heat or cool them down before insertion. Not only do they provide a highly intense sensation during penetration, but they’re also fabulous to look at. They’ll expose your lover’s gaping hole and let you see inside it! Time for your expert colonoscopy, dear! Granted, not all of these types are straight and smooth. Some have a bead-like texture that makes them similar to anal balls. Others are shaped like hooks or glass dildos.

Metal Anal Probes

If you want your boyfriend to fuck your ass-cunt like you’re auditioning for Kink.com, look no further than a metal probe. These steel ass-wreckers can pump your shitter hard. They’ll look super hot at the same time, especially if you’re hogtied and you’re begging Daddy to set you free! However, the only thing you can do is sit there motionless while you get your ass blown out with a massive steel probe! Not a bad way to kick off the weekend, right?

Well, in all seriousness, metal probes are some of the most versatile toys out there. Some are super slim and some have curvy and ribbed textures. Others could have a metal ball at the end or a kinky handle that your lover can grip onto. Trust me, these things look like medieval torture tools. They’ll turn your husband into your little boy slave! The only question is: has he been a good little slut and does he deserve the release?

Vibrating Anal Probes

While adding vibration to any sex toy makes it even more special, just imagine what happens when you use a vibrating anal probe toy! Trust me, these things will buzz the hell out of your ass until they milk the soul out of your body!

Seriously, vibrating probes are some of the most intense toys out there. They come with built-in motors or removable bullet vibrators. They’ll deliver intense pulsations right where you need them the most. These types are ideal for all kinds of anal escapades, especially prostate milking. But, they’ll also feel extra special for the ladies. Their vibrations will travel all the way to your clitoral and G-spot nerves for ultra-intense blended orgasms. What more can you ask for?

That said, vibrating probes can also come with a ton of special features. Some of my favorites are remote-controlled and app-enabled probes. You can use them to trigger the vibrations from a distance. Then, enjoy a hands-free anal fuck-fest! This is one of the best features for BDSM, kinky long-distance play and outrageous anal affairs in public.

Electric Anal Probes

This may shock you, but some people love to stimulate their rectums with electricity. It’s an unusual sensation. Basically, electric probes can send out mild to strong pulses or shocks to stimulate acupuncture points or cause automatic muscle contractions. But let me warn you: these toys are definitely not for beginners!

Long Anal Probes

Now, if you truly want to play “when nurse becomes the patient” and get your ass wrecked by aliens or tentacles, the chances are that you likely won’t get satisfied with anything but a deep anal probe.

These toys come in many different shapes but what they have in common is their extremely long length of 20 inches or more. They can go as deep as you want to allow you to experiment with hardcore depth play sensations deep in your guts! Others are a bit shorter (around 10 to 15 inches) but they have super wide shafts. They’ll turn you into a champion of extreme stretching and brutal gaping! Good girl!

Buying Your First Anal Probe

Whether you’re looking for some tender anal surrender or you want to give in and punish your gaping hole until you can’t walk straight, there are several rules you should follow before you buy your new toy:

Safety First!

If you’ve never tried a toy in your B-hole, remember this rule: if your toy doesn’t have a base, you should avoid it. As I said, standard anal probe toys are quite thin. If you use one without a base, there’s a chance that it could fall into your rectum. After that, you’re pretty much fucked and you’ll have a lot of explaining do to when the ambulance arrives. A quality probe with a flared base or O-ring will stop that from happening and allow you to enjoy your anal pleasures safely!

Moreover, it’s crucial that you don’t overestimate your abilities here. Everyone’s assholes are different. Even if you’re hungry for the longest, widest and most disgusting probe available, you may not be able to take it if you’re not experienced.

Anal Probes for Beginners

If you’re a total newbie and you want to start off your anal exam, probes can be a very good choice. Some of them (especially the smaller ones) are just thin enough to slide in without any pain and still bring you intense pleasure. You could find a probe that’s as long or thick as your finger and experiment with that first. However, if your finger feels too big, you can always get a thinner ass probe. My best tip here would be to focus on a silicone probe. This type of probe is easy to insert, remove and use for all kinds of anal training.

Anal Probes for Slutty Girls

If you have a vagina, there are some vibrating probes that you can use to tease your pussy and clit before you slide it in your tight asshole. I’m a massive fan of vibrating probes because they are extremely precise and provide tons of fun. When you stick a pulsating probe in your tush, you’ll get to experience the vibrations all over your pleasure spots. Plus, your pussy will always be open for business. You’ll always be ready to take in a big fat cock or huge dildo while your probe drills your ass deep and hard!

Anal Probes for Naughty Boys

Sometimes, all a man really needs is to get his ass fucked until he explodes all over. When I tested the best probes with Richard, he had the most fun with vibrating silicone probes and metal probes. For men, a vibrating ass probe can directly target the elusive P-spot to deliver hands-free jizz explosions and open up all kinds of possibilities for kinky play. Plus, since your male lover’s tight ass will grip the probe strongly, he’ll always be able to wear it while he’s fucking you. It’s a win-win!

Size Cums First

Aside from your goals and your turn-ons, you’ll have to consider the size of your toy. Most beginner probes are up to 5 inches long. Also, you’ll usually encounter an average girth of up to 1 inch. Of course, these are just the average sizes. You can find smaller or bigger probes depending on your preferences and experience level. But, if you’re untrained, it’s always best to start off with something small unless you’re actually looking to live out your extreme painal fantasy.

Which Material Is Right for You?

If you’re still unsure, take your pick from silicone, glass or metal. You can also choose ABS plastic due to its body-friendly qualities and a kinky surgical look. What’s crucial here is to only buy hypoallergenic and non-porous toys that do not absorb bacteria and are easy to clean. And a word of warning: some cheaper alternatives such as jelly or rubber are highly porous. Aside from your Grandpa’s antique chess pieces, they are some of the worst things you could push inside your butt. Checkmate! For real, those materials are toxic and they could pose a huge risk to your plumbing.

Vibration and Remote Control

So you want to get yourself a deep anal probe that vibrates? Well, not all of them are right for the job. Ideally, you should find a probe that offers multiple vibration options. That could give you various speeds and patterns to push you towards those Hallelujah moments.

Also, look into the motor and the power. I prefer built-in motors to insertable bullet vibes. They never fall out and they provide a lot more power. Plus, if you’re getting a vibrating probe, why not spend a little more on a remote-controlled model?

Believe me, that little remote will literally change your life because you’ll get to change the settings on the fly without even needing to touch your toy. This is fantastic for all kinds of solo masturbation but it’s also super filthy during foreplay or fetish games with your Master.

Tips on Using, Cleaning and Storing Your Anal Probes

Before you go and buy your new favorite plaything, let’s dig into how you can actually use your anal probes for supercharged orgasms!

It’s Time for Your Anal Exam!

Everything is better when it’s wet, right? And that includes your delicious tight asshole! What you’ll need to do first is to grease your moneymaker nice and sloppy by applying lube. So be generous and smear it all over your sphincter. Also, lube up your probe and even push some inside your crack. That will make everything glide along smoothly!

But don’t forget: some toys don’t play well with certain lube types. If you’re going to buy a silicone probe, use only water-based lubes. For other materials like metal or glass, you can use any lube type without damaging your toy.

Also, it might be a good idea to poke around down there with your fingers a bit to get warmed up first. Why not deepthroat the shit out of your boyfriend’s cock while you’re doing that? Your body, your rules, correct? Just remember to go slowly and get yourself primed for your probe. When you’re ready, slide it in carefully and wait it out to see what happens. If it feels comfy, push it in all the way. If not, leave it where it is and try to twirl or move it a bit. And in case you’re already packing some serious anal skills, inserting your probe will be a breeze. But, if you’re untrained, don’t try to force it up there and just slow down.

Finally, when you’re all wasted from endless anal orgasms, you shouldn’t forget to clean your toy. The best way to do this is to soak it in soap and water. Then, simply rinse off all the lube and various other juices. Then, when your toy dries, store it in its original box or a carrying pouch. That way, it will always be ready for your next butthole surfing adventure.

Anal Probes Industry Overview

When we first started this journey, I told you that long anal probes are not the most mainstream toys out there. The hype around them is just bubbling up and they’re some of the newest anal toys that you can try.

Of course, humans have been wrecking their butts with all sorts of random objects since ancient times. And look how far we’ve come! All sorts of companies out there such as Lelo, We-Vibe, Fun Factory, Doc Johnson, Icicles and others are inventing new probes every day! There are even some brands like Elise, Novatys and Kegel8 which are focused only on designing medical anal depth probes. That’s a long way from Dr. Young’s Rectal Dilators, which are thought to be some of the first toys built specifically for anal entertainment back in the 1800s.

So where do we go from here? Honestly, why wait for the future when you can get a high-quality anal probe today and use it to ram your ass with all sorts of tingly sensations? Bottoms up, sweetie!

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