Bulging and Bejeweled: Why You Need to Put a Ring On It (and How to Use a Cock Ring)

Well, hello there, kinky fellas. I see you’re up for another round through the Raunchyville.

Anyhow, riddle me this. What do you get when you mix Tolkien with sex toys? If you think the answer’s one racy accessory with the power to rule us all – spot on! Yup, I’m talking about cock rings and I’ve only just begun. Today, I’m here to tell you all about those little trinkets, what they do, how to wear them and why you’ll want to invest in one if you haven’t already.

Feeling cocky? Let’s get right into the meat of the matter!

What Do Cock Rings Do?

What’s the dealio with all this jewelry, you may be wondering.

Let me tell you, amigo. A cock ring is a mighty little toy that’s worn around the base of a penis and sometimes around the testicles, too.

Basically, this choker restricts the blood flow, keeping all the fun where it is supposed to be – inside your schlong.

Why You Want to Put a Ring on It

Why on earth would you want to choke your downstairs partner, you’re asking? Well, the benefits are manifold (and awesome). Among other things, wearing one of these bad boys can:

• Help you stay hard longer
• Give you bigger and harder erections
• Help you last longer in the sack
• Increase the sensations
• Give you more intense orgasms

And that’s not all. In fact, cock rings can even help treat erectile dysfunction. However, peeps with ED should consult a doc before they start accessorizing their dong.

Are Cock Rings Only for Cocks?

Let’s put cocks aside for a moment. Can you enjoy a ring even if you’re not a penis-wielding specimen?

Heck, yeah! Me and Miss Turbo did a lot of experimenting and I mean – a lot! So, I can tell you with certainty that cock rings work wonders for clit stimulation, anal play and teasing all sorts of erogenous zones for mighty foreplay.

What can I say – rings of power aren’t just potent. They are all-round people pleasers!

“Every ring is a promise. An engagement ring is a vow of eternal love. Cock rings? By gifting one to yourself, you solemnly swear to never stop exploring your kinky side.”

How to Put On a Cock Ring: Step-By-Step

Are you itching to glitz up your rod? Alrighty then, it’s time to put it on and I promise – it’s no sweat. Actually, the sweaty part comes after. First, you need to follow these easy steps.

Step 1: Lube Up

This is no déjà vu, friends. It’s just me repeating over and over – always lube up your gear. To make it slide down nice and easy, apply a few drops of water-based lube on the inside of your ring.

Step 2: Slide It Down

Listen up, fellas. Don’t try to stick it on a full-blown boner. At best, that can get tricky. Instead, do it while your pocket rocket is soft or semi-hard.

All you need to do is slide that hoop down to the base of your partner – easy peasy, penis squeezy.

That’s if you want to keep your balls out of the loop.

Of course, you can get your family jewels to join in on the fun – the more the merrier, right? First, slip one giggleberry through the ring, then the other. Finally, get your rod through (again, soft or semi-erect), et voila – it’s on, baby.

Step 3: Put on a Condom

At last, it’s time to put your sword in a sheath – if you catch my drift. After your ring is safely in its place and your shaft is standing at attention, you can roll on a condom.

But be careful, placing the ring on top of the rubber is playing with fire. If you do that, all the rubbing and friction may build up and – pop your condom goes. Just keep them separate and you’ll be fine.

Shopping Time

With the whats, hows and whys covered, it’s time to snatch a new plaything. Of course, Turbo dude’s got a handful of tips on how to choose a fine cock ring worthy of your collection. Get ready to shop till you pop your top!

#1 Mighty Materials

Jewelers from the erotic section are making rings from all sorts of materials, including:

• Silicone
• ABS
• Leather
• Rubber
• Stainless steel
• Wood
• Glass

If this is your first time, going with a stretchy silicone ring is your best bet. For starters, it’s easy to put on and take off. Plus, there’s no risk of snake strangulation.

#2 Fantastic Fits

Listen, folks. This isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of situation. If your penis choker is too loose, it’s gonna be meh. If it’s too tight… Let’s just say it won’t be fun. To find the right fit, you’ll need a cock and a tape measure.

Ready? Wrap the tape around your shaft while it’s standing proud and tall. Once you’ve got your circumference, divide it by 3.14 and you’ve got your lucky number. If it’s, say, 6 inches, the perfect ring will have a 1.91-inch diameter.

Want to know more about how the science of sizes? Then, learn all about it in Lola’s in-depth guide on snatching the perfect-sized ring.

#3 Fab Features

When you’re choosing an engagement ring, there’s no right or wrong – it’s all about personal tastes. Well, their kinky lookalikes are just the same.

Craving some buzz? Get a vibrating ring. How about some backdoor action? Treat yourself to a ring with an anal plug or beads.

Cock rings come in all shapes and rock different features like vibration or app control. In the end, it’s up to you to decide what functions hit the right spot.

Playtime Playbook

Whether you have a penis or not, there are plenty of ways to include a ring of pleasure in your bedroom. Here are some suggestions to get the juices flowing – literally!

Playing Solo

Like to play with yourself? Join forces with your ring and let it vibe with your love sausage or other sweet spots.

Make It Public

If it’s remote-controlled, take your cock ring on a hot outing. Wherever you go, you’ll feel the earth move – and no one will know.

Buzzes for Her Pleasure

Vibrating cock rings and clits are a match made in heaven. Just slip it on your fingers or a dildo for a solo sesh, or let your partner do all the work.

Buzzing BJs and Handjobs

If you’re packing a cock, treat it to some buzzworthy fun. While it’s in its vibrating hoop, give the old chap a hand. Even better, let your lover take the matter into their hands (or mouth) and rock your world.

Fun Foreplay

Before the main dish, warm up your bae by teasing all their hot spots with a vibrating cock ring. Take it slow and watch the tension build like a tsunami.

Ring It Up Safely

I don’t mean to kill your buzz but don’t forget about safety. After all, being reasonably careful is much better than having a penicillin shot every time you use a new sex toy – am I right? So, here’s how to play it safe with cock rings:

1. Choose body-safe and hypoallergenic materials
2. Pick the right size
3. Buy your cock ring from a reputable brand
4. Keep it clean
5. Don’t wear it for more than 20 minutes
6. Stay away from makeshift toys or household items
7. In case of pain, numbness, or bruising, remove it ASAP

Closing the Loop

And that’s it, my brothers in kink. Cock rings are awesome and not only for cocks. They know their way around P-spots, clits and other erogenous zones, as well.

The bottom line is, if you want to have a good time, get yourself one of these bad boys. Adios, friends and if you need something – ring me up!

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